Annie was afraid of the dark. When it was finally time to say goodnight, she would ask that I leave the television on. No sound, just the video. It was the flickering light that would allow her to go to sleep. Total darkness was a scary place for her.
We had a connection where we could lay there for long periods of time and just watch each other. Just soak up the essence of each other. No speaking required. It seemed like watching each other silently was so powerful that speaking sometimes became harder.
The light of the television being on gave me more opportunities. I loved to watch her anytime. But when she slept, watching her just overwhelmed my thoughts. She was easily the most beautiful woman I had ever met in person. I don’t sleep much and many nights after she fell asleep I would lay my head down on her chest and listen to her heart beating and feeling the rise and fall of her breathing. Just being in her presence and sharing intimacy with her was the most amazing experience.
Many nights with tears in my eyes while she slept I would ask myself. Why me? Why would someone so beautiful and vulnerable choose me? Ten years older than her and just an average guy. Why would she choose me as the person to bare her soul to, to choose to love, to share her body with?
The answer to that question and a hundred others never came. They never came, because I never asked her. In some way I may have been unsure of the answer that might come, but the truth of the matter is that I thought we had forever to ask those types of questions of each other. It turned out we had no time at all before she was gone.
Surprises in The Road of Life 