Tag: Friends

Entry #72: My New Friend

Recently, I had the opportunity to travel from my home and sleep in a strange bed. It was there that I have found a new friend. It was a nice bed…very comfortable and spacious.

Once I got into the bed however, I found a human sized pillow along with a note explaining that this pillow was meant to be hugged when sleeping. Well, of course, I had to try it and it brought back so many memories of Annie.

One of the many things Annie and I loved to do was to just lay in bed, all stretched out hugging each other with nothing between us. It wasn’t just about making love or having sex. It was the comfort we felt with each other in the naked state.

When our schedules were not filled with meetings or clients, we took every opportunity to do this together, even during the day time. Annie would purr and push her body back against me as I hugged and enveloped her. Her actions told me that she felt safe in this bed with me and that in turn made me so happy. The fact that this action provided her with a sense of security was overwhelming in some sense.

Well, Annie isn’t here any longer, and yet, this simple pillow helped me to re live all of these memories of those intimate moments of trust and safety with her.

I don’t seek out another to share these memories or even to make new ones. People are so disappointing to me on so many levels. It has been frustrating to say the least and that is why I choose to not even try any more.

But…I do have a new friend now. I think I will purchase one of these pillows. The feeling of serenity it gives me is indescribable, and I don’t have to worry about being judged by another human who does not even attempt to understand my feelings or thoughts.

Entry #41: Someone New

Recently I met someone new.

She is a beautiful woman, smart, creative and with a smile that can light up a room. We have talked about quite a few different subjects and I find myself so comfortable in our conversations that I actually shared this blog with her.

What I did not expect, was for her to actually begin reading it in front of me. I could not decide if I should walk away and give her some space, or just sit while she read. I decided to sit and as I watched her facial expressions change while she read, I could tell she went back and read a few things more than once.

My anxiety went through the roof, because I had no idea how she would take the writing, nor if she would judge me once she got the whole picture. Yet, I could not pull myself away. It was so fascinating to watch her read and respond to the actual words. The first person that I actually knew that not only would read all of this, but do it right in front of me. My fears went unfounded as she accepted all that I have written in a few posts and my hope is that she will read the rest.

While both of our circumstances have issues, I think of her a lot. I love her intellect, her eyes, her amazing smile, her caramel skin and her natural hair.  There is an obvious age difference, yet I wonder what her kisses would taste like, to have her in my arms for something other than a goodbye hug.

I could never tell her these things of course and I hope she has finished reading the rest of the blog before I post this so she may not even see it. I think we have started a friendship and I certainly hope that we can go on to become good friends. I don’t think it is possible to hope for more.

Once you reach a certain age, friendships are all you can work towards.