I am such a fraud.
Recently, I had the opportunity to go out for a drink with a female friend. She and her husband are pretty good friends to me.
She went on and on about what a chill and down to earth guy I am, and that they both appreciate my friendship.
Little does she know that I die inside a little more every time I hear something like that. They have no idea who I am…none. And…I cannot or will not tell them.
Another anniversary of Annie’s death is fast approaching and if have to be honest about it, I don’t know how much longer I can bear it.
They never knew about Annie. Almost no one in my life has that knowledge, and holding that knowledge deep inside is going to be the end of me. I wish I had the opportunity to tell her story somewhere other than in these pages, but I trust no one to be able to understand.
You see…whenever any of my feelings for Annie came out in the open, she and I were met by absolute hatred for who she was and by extension myself for loving her. Maybe it was just the times we lived in back then and maybe things are better today, yet I refuse to take another chance that the relationship we had can be met with understanding and acceptance.
No one in the outside world who knew Annie’s story accepted her. I was the only one. I will never understand the cruelty and hatred that humans have for one another, and I have given up trying to make any sense of it all.
Forty two more days till I relive her death yet again.
No one knows, no one cares, no one can see me as the fraud that is right in front of them. I am not the person I present to you. You cannot see into my heart and the darkness that enslaves me.
Surprises in The Road of Life 