Month: December 2019

Entry #37: Grief

So often I sit and enjoy the beauty of nature and the city around me, only to have my mind turn to darkness and grief.

Grief, because I can no longer share the beauty I see with Annie. The anxiety  overwhelms me and everything I do.

During these times, I desperately want to travel to Thailand to visit her final resting place.

Yet, I am terrified of making that trip, because once I see her final resting place I fear for what I would do to allow me to stay with her forever.

This is my normal state of mind, and it is not a good place to be.

Entry #36: Anxiety

I have been in the dark for so long that out of the blue, I saw a sliver or glimmer of light.

A friend suggested one day recently that I should join him in a workout at his gym. Without saying as many words, I am thinking to myself…why in the world would I want to do that? Rather than insult him, I went along for the ride.

Surprised in the fact that I actually enjoyed the experience, I joined up and started to go regularly. But now I have yet another issue to deal with.

When I miss a day or fail to get my daily dose in, I find myself anxious to the point of panic. Now this is not healthy and I surely don’t need yet another mental challenge.

Just add this anxiety to the list of things I either cannot or refuse to deal with.

Waiting to see what will drop next.

I am always surprised how any little bit of light can quickly turn back to darkness.